The Accident

I was informed of a rather simple, yet hilarious story from my good friend, Webb, today while gnawing on some nasty pizza at the mall today. It involves all of the basic elements of a wonderfully entertaining tale- humor, suspense, pain, and Alex Webber. Intrigued? You should be.

It all started innocently enough, with that nigga Webb chillin at the crib. Well naturally the hard core chilling that Webb does makes him quite hungry, so he decided to get up and get some fruit. Now his fruit of choice isnt the pre-cut sissy shit that alot of homofags eat, mind you. Its that raw gangster ass jive, straight off the tree son. So my dawg had to do some shankin. He proceeded to get out a knife and begin slicing the fruit into convenient bite-sized chunks. This is where the shit gets raw--

That nigga Webb was most likely preoccupied on the chillin he had been, and would soon be doing again. This allowed for a momentary lapse in judgment that would change his life....forever. The knife in one hand, fruit in the other he began slicing the fruit. He was holding the fruit with his index and middle fingers supporting and slicing downward. He struggled. The fruit refused to be cut. Not one to be outdone by a piece of fruit, Webb pressed harder downward into its flesh. Well the extra effort got the job done, alright, but apparently my homie didnt know his own strenth. The shank sliced through the fruit and into his index finger, cutting a 3/4 inch gash into the diget.

Blood went everywhere....

Now, Webb's extensive training of being a gangster came into play. Rather than panicking, he wrapped the wound in a paper towel and played it cool. But the human mind can only take so much trauma. Overwhelmed, he laid down on the kitchen floor in a state of utter shock that can only be caused by a self-inflicted wound of such proportion. This state can be referred to as the "feel my face syndrome" first discovered when Patrick Newport couldnt handle the gore in "House of Wax" and got all cold and damp faced. He's a poon.

Getting back on track, Webb is still laying on the floor, rendered helpless by the trauma he had just gone through. About this time, Mama Webb, most likely wanting some fruit as well, entered the kitchen. She saw her baby boy lying on the floor, and was naturally kinda concerned, but prolly not really. When asked why he was lying on the floor holding his finger and lookin all weird, he simply replied- "uh...dont worry about it...nothin."

A few minutes, or possibly hours, later that nigga Webb shook off the initial shock of the injury and went back to his mother for direction on what would be best to do. "Mom, I sliced my finger while cutting some fruit. Its pretty bad. I think i should go get stitches, nigga" he said...or at least thats the best I can figure as what he may have said. She simply replied "Nah, you're fine." I can only assume that it's this brand of tough love that has made Webb the baller he is today, for as the old cliche goes- What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

Anyways, thats the story. I found it particularly hilarious personally. Hope you can all see the humor in it. If you know Webb, I know you will. If you dont....get to know him asap and have him tell you this story first thing.

For your enjoyment, that's the photo of the horrific injury. Hopefully you weren't eating when you looked at it, because I almost puked. You may not be able to tell from the picture, but the inner-finger meat was like hanging out and would squish out more when he'd squeeze his finger....pretty sick shit.

Moral of the story- Don't play with knives. And if you must play with a knife, don't do so when you are preoccupied with the chilling your doing and cutting fruit.